Posted by
aurorawatcher on Friday, November 21, 2008 2:28:16 PM
This article is written by BJ, Aurora’s husband, as a result of several conversations he had with a coworker who is a very conservative Baptist. BJ often acts as Aurora’s research assistant, so that you may have heard his voice “in the background” before, but this is one of his few attempts at writing articles himself. While Aurora works on the next series, BJ and possibly Bri, their teenage daughter, may put a few articles in the mix.
Working recently with a man who is a member at a large independent Baptist church in town, I found myself defending my wife and the lifestyle choices we have made. Mark (not his real name) is convinced that the Bible teaches that a woman should never, ever, never, ever work outside the home, especially if the marriage involves children. He spoke a lot about submission and the good of the children and submission. And, yes, I’m repeating myself for a reason. He quoted a lot of Bible verses, though not necessarily in their entirety and deplored me as a Christian man to make Aurora give up her job, teaching Sunday School and, most especially, teaching on the Internet. He warned of grave spiritual damage to our children and ourselves if we didn’t set things right in our marriage and promised an immediately improvement in many of our struggle areas if Aurora would just stay home and have no contact with the outside world “besides church on Sunday.” I have not met Mark’s wife, so I cannot say anything about her, but Aurora and I are praying for her.
I could start out by defending our lifestyle choices, explaining that as a construction worker who changes jobs every few months, I would have been considered a lending risk for buying a house, even though I make good money, which was the original reason for Aurora returning to work. I could point out that she is eligible for only half of my retirement if I die before the magic age of 58, so it really is important for her to have her own retirement income. I could say a lot of things, but I’m going to chose to make my stand on the Bible.
Interestingly, Mark quoted from and referred to Proverbs 31 during several of our conversations. “A Proverbs wife takes care of her family” and “A Proverbs wife doesn’t give her husband worry about her behavior.” And, I am in utter agreement with those portions of Proverbs 31 that he emphasized. However, I think you can’t avoid the rest of the poem and you can’t explain it away as mere poetry when the lessons there become inconvenient for you. You must take the whole Bible in context with itself and stand on the whole counsel of God. You don’t get to pick and choose what you like or dislike.
The book of Proverbs closes with this poem about the wife of noble character that extols godly wisdom that is beneficial to the family and society. Traditionally it has been interpreted as an exemplar for godly women. This is partially true, but there is a great deal more to this poem than that, for it captures all the themes of wisdom that have been presented in the whole book and arranges them in this portrait of the ideal woman. If it were merely a pattern for women, my heavens, what a paragon! This woman is a wealthy aristocrat who runs an estate with servants and conducts business affairs of real estate, vineyards, and merchandising, and also takes care of domestic matters and is involved with charity. I’m tired just reading about her! I doubt I would ever see Aurora if she were that busy. Plus this poem doesn’t speak on the woman’s personal relationship with her husband, her mental and emotional strengths, or her religious activities. The “woman” of Proverbs 31 is a symbol of all that wisdom represents (you’ll have to read the other Proverbs to get that). Nearby ancient Near East societies revered wisdom to the point of deification; Proverbs simply described wisdom as a woman. Through this metaphor, the poet made all the lessons of wisdom in the book concrete and practical and provided an argument against a culture that saw women as merely decorative. Additionally the poem depicted heroism as moral and domestic rather than only battlefield exploits. The poem certainly presents a pattern for women to follow. I believe it also presents a pattern for men to follow, for this is the message of the whole book of Proverbs, which this poem summarizes.
Who can find a wife of noble character?
For her value is far more than rubies.
The heart of her husband has confidence in her,
and he has no lack of gain.
She brings him good and not evil
all the days of her life.
The book of Proverbs often states that Wisdom will not be found if one doesn’t look and this is apparently the case with a noble wife. Rarity usually carries value. In the days when the Proverbs were written, rubies were the prized gem, so to say that a wife of noble character has a “price above rubies” meant that nothing was more valuable. The poem goes on to explain why that is so. She will seek the gain of her husband all of his life. The Greek word for “gain” here infers the “spoils of war”, which of course was considered rich booty in those days. A man with a wife like that could put his confidence in her – he could really trust her to seek whatever was good for him as opposed to what is evil. (Wisdom is always associated with good while folly is associated with evil in Proverbs).
She obtains wool and flax,
and she is pleased to work with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships;
she brings her food from afar.
She also gets up while it is still night,
and provides food for her household and a portion to her female servants.
This woman is industrious and enjoys working with her hands. She weaves cloth and seeks food for her family herself rather than leaving it for servants to do. She provides for her family and her servants before they even arise, showing that she is not lazy.
Then the poem moves into controversy. Men like Mark avoid this section or they try to explain it away as suddenly merely metaphorical rather than instructive to real women. I’ve seen some really heated conversations between those who hold to a domesticated wife who stays at home with the family and those who believe a woman should have economic freedom within the context of marriage and family.
Christians do not have the option of excising the verses from the Bible we do not agree with. There are those who would argue at this point that this is a paradigm of wisdom and this is not a woman at all, but they are often the same who are not uncomfortable quoting the first verses of this poem to insist their wives do whatever is required in the household and nothing outside of it. I will submit that you can’t have it both ways. The poem says what it says and it describes a woman involved in commerce outside the home.
She considers a field and buys it;
from her own income she plants a vineyard.
She begins her work vigorously,
and she strengthens her arms.
She knows that her merchandise is good,
and her lamp does not go out in the night.
Her hands take hold of the distaff,
and her hands grasp the spindle.
This woman starts her own business with her own income and there is no mention of her husband’s oversight. She works hard, she controls her own merchandise and she works long hours to make a successful business.
She extends her hand to the poor,
and reaches out her hand to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
for all of her household are clothed with scarlet.
She makes for herself coverlets;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
The woman is kind to the poor (I wonder if she offers them jobs, since this line does seem to be in the middle of a discourse on commercial enterprise). She also clothes her family well and dresses nicely herself.
Her husband is well-known in the city gate
when he sits with the elders of the land.
Her husband has a job of his own – he is an elder at the city gate – one of the judges. In other words, he is a respected person in society; someone considered worthy of emulation. I would note that a man with a wife who was usurping his authority in an unbiblical way would not be in such a position in the culture in which Proverbs was written. Meanwhile ….
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
The woman is strong and resilient, she employs ethics in her conduct and she is prepared for the future, well-armed with a sense of humor for the coming hard times (there are always coming hard times!) She gives wise counsel and loving instruction and she is busy about the affairs of a wife and mother as well as those of her business. In other words, she isn’t neglecting her family; her outside activities enhance her family life.
She is clothed with strength and honor,
and she can laugh at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and loving instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the ways of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
I think this is the most important section of this poem.
Her children rise up and call her blessed,
her husband also praises her:
“Many daughters have done valiantly,
but you surpass them all!”
Her children and husband are impressed with her industry and toil; they praise her efforts on their behalf because she is an exemplar for the women around her. They praise her instead of whine about how their wants are not always front and center.
Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting,
but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.
Give her credit for what she has accomplished,
and let her works praise her in the city gates.
Another man who holds similar views to Mark once told me that if Aurora would stay home and take care of our family “like she was meant to do”, I would be further along in my career than I am. “Who knows, you might even own your own business by now. She could take time to schmooze your clients and business associates and make herself pretty for advertising purposes.”
Wow, writing that I felt the sense of just how chauvinistic that was. I am familiar with the concept of a “trophy wife”. My father’s second wife was such a woman – married for her charm and poise, her ability to promote his business interests. The whole time they were married, he called her a drain on his resources and wondered why she didn’t have an income of her own. He eventually tired of her and moved on to someone with a personality of their own. I can’t imagine being married to someone just because they are good advertising.
Charm is deceitful. Aurora is honest as only an Alaskan woman can be. They don’t need to think about it much, they just are without subtext. Reality here can be as harsh as the weather, so raised-Alaskans aren’t given to sugar-coating topics. The downside is that outsiders find them less than charming; the upside is, you know they’re telling you the truth.
Beauty is vain. I think my wife is beautiful, but she doesn’t spend a lot of time on being that way because she has so much else that is important to do. She has kids to get off to school and dogs to take out to the pen. There’s a wood stove that needs stocking and a load of laundry that needs to go in so it will be ready for the dryer in the evening. Then it’s off to work for nine hours, during which time she manages to touch base with our children at least once each in the afternoon and then it’s home to complete the dinner our teenage daughter started and stock the wood stove again and let the dogs in and throw that load of laundry into the dryer and then we let her sit down and we load the dishwasher and fold our own laundry and work together to complete homework.
Verse 31 says we should give such women credit for what they accomplish and their works should be praised in the city gates. Since not many American cities have walls and gates today, I think a modern day equivalent is probably the market place, the Internet, and (oh, my!) the churches. I think for most Christian women who work outside the home, there is a dread factor when they are introduced to new people at church. I’ve seen the judgment by some in the evangelical world. They automatically assume that the Bible requires a “good” Christian woman to stay at home with the kids and …. Yet we do not see the Proverbs 31 woman cast in this light.
Remember what I said about this proverb also being an example for men. I am as guilty of this as many other husbands. When I get home from a 10-hour construction job, I don’t want to fold my laundry or even put my dirty socks in the laundry basket. Aurora can do it; she only worked eight hours today. Of course, if I consider all the work in the home she did on either side of her paid job, I quickly realize she’s been working an hour or two longer than I have. Re-read the poem, replace the “woman” with “man and the “she” with “he” and you quickly realize that we are all called to be that industrious and efficient. Christians, male and female, are not called to be sloths and we should realize that every part of the Bible applies to US even when we don’t like what the application means to our personal lifestyle.
Ultimately, the goal of every Christian woman or man should be to love the Lord and obey His commands. How that works out in an individual life is a matter of the gifts God has given us and the calling He provides in our lives. When we make blanket statements like “women must not be employed outside the home”, we limit God’s work through His individual believers. Ideally, neither parent should neglect the home front for a paid job, but how often I see men who are never home because they’re gone on remote construction sites while their wives are at home raising the kids and doing other worthy activities. (Many of those marriages fail, by the way). Aurora working means I don’t have to be gone from home to distant sites quite as often as some other men I know, allowing me to be more present as both a husband and father, and as a Christian man. I am able to be involved in ministries because I am able to remain in town and this is a direct result of Aurora’s employment.
I am not judging those who have made the decision for the wife to remain at home. More power to you, if that is what the Lord has led you to do. However, I do not think that such a stay-at-home wife and mother can really be considered a Proverbs 31 woman.